I hate to admit it, but I've been sucked in by "The Bachelorette." Well, not by her, but the men. It’s embarassing, because I make a point of NOT watching TV. However, I was at my mother’s (where the TV, regrettably, is always on) and the parade of male model-like bachelors for some reason caught my single, thirty-year-old eye.
The concept
of ‘The Bachelorette’ is simple enough. Trista Rehn, the Bachelorette,
is introduced to twenty-five eligible bachelors on the first episode who are
dying to meet her. Trista is, of course, in demand, being a 30-year-old “successful
physical therapist” and former Miami Heat dancer. Needless to say, she’s
also a Barbie-doll blonde with big boobs, small waist and ditzy personality.
She was called shallow by one of the bachelors, Brook, and high-maintenance
by family members of one of the finalist bachelors, Charlie.
On the first episode, Trista greets each man as they arrive for her cocktail party by limo. The party is at a huge house, which is not hers. After mingling at the party with all 25 men, she then chooses 15 guys she wants to start getting to know. She does this in the melodramatic "rose ceremony." Trista announces one at a time the name of each bachelor that she thinks could be her future husband, and pins him with a rose, much to the satisfaction of his male ego. At the end of the episode, the 15 selected men move into the bachelor house, where they will continue to stay during their tenure on the show. The rejected ten move on to ‘Good Morning America,’ for a last shot at fifteen minutes of fame.
On the remaining five shows, Trista narrows the field to eight, four, three, two and the magical one. This lucky guy, just six (6) meetings and four (4) one-on-one dates later, will be proposed to by Trista and undoubtedly accept, confident that, over the course of the show, he has truly gotten to know Trista well-enough to be sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
Back to the men. I'd like to have a date with just one of these model-gorgeous
men, let alone have to choose from 25 to marry. These 25 guys may be part of
a dating reality show, but they're not the reality of the average dating woman.
First of all, nearly every guy on the show is six feet or taller. Okay, so six squeezed by at 5'11". Not only is this not reflective of the average man (half of whom are shorter than the median 5'10"), it further and unnecessarily brands shorter men as less desirable based on height alone. Trista (the Bachelorette) isn't exactly tall at around 5'3", so height really shouldn't be an issue for her. You can't convince me ABC couldn't have found one short, attractive and buff guy. Oh yes, buff. I feel sorry for Trista, having to choose from 24 guys with bodies that could be on the cover of Men's Health magazine. That's dating reality, all right. To be fair, there was one guy who wasn't buff, who became known as 'fat Bob.' At maybe 20 pounds over ideal weight, Bob was Trista's exception and single womens' reality, if they are lucky. Despite his exuberant personality, what most viewers will recall about Bob is that he was 'the fat one.'
In addition to all the guys being tall and ripped, there was not one receding hairline among the bunch. And let’s not forget that this is TV, so these men, in addition to whatever nature, their cosmetic surgeon and the gym gave them, had the benefit of makeup, lighting and good camera angles. I’m sure that some of these hotties would look more average at Sunday brunch after partying late Saturday night.
While good-looking, most of these guys had the personality of a wet mop, which is easy enough to explain. It takes a certain kind of man to be willing to have a camera in his face while on a date, knowing all the while that later millions of Americans will be judging his every move and discussing whether he will make Trista’s cut at the water cooler at work. Such self-absorbed vanity is not generally consistent with high intelligence or a sense of humor.
The men also had an interesting
diversity (or lack thereof) of careers. Out of the 25 men, three were firefighters,
three were pilots and two were semi-professional sports players. This was in
addition to a few models and, my personal favorite, breast implant salesman.
Out of these 25 men, only one had a computer nerd job. Only one computer guy
out of 25? I can't believe they call this dating reality?
And out of curiosity, what made ABC believe that these 25 good-looking, buff and employed men are not only looking to get married, but are willing to do so after just six dates? What planet are these men from? Certainly not Earth. I guess the ABC executives were blinded by their great smiles and perfect abs.
While I like the idea of a TV show featuring lots of hot men, where is the suspense or intrigue in the decision-making process? Even though Trista cried her way through the rose ceremonies, it’s hard to feel sorry for her. No matter what, she ends up proposing to an employed hot guy of her choosing. I’d feel sorry for her if she had a more realistic selection of bachelors. You know, fat ones, ones with child support orders, paroled criminals, unemployed men, and the like. That’s a rose ceremony I’d like to see. Trista choosing between the buff but unemployed Gary, who is also a recovering alcoholic; Bruce, who is 50 pounds overweight, plain-looking and a janitor; and Lou, a sleazy attorney who isn’t quite ‘divorced’ yet from his second wife. Now THAT would be suspense, and worth Trista crying over.
On the second episode, Trista has three group dates with the remaining fifteen
men so she will be able to select eight. These 
dates
are journeys to San Diego, Las Vegas and a spa. Now, if the point of the show
is Trista finding the love of her life, as opposed to a one-night stand, wouldn’t
it make sense for the dates to be individual at this point? Instead, on each
date we have five men fighting for her attention, the testosterone and bravado
precluding Trista the opportunity to get to know the men at any level.
Maybe instead of paying for limo rides and fancy trips, ABC could have paid for one-on-one dinner dates. Of course, this wouldn’t have the glamour of the trips. For example, during one of the trips, the Jeep they were in got a flat, so one of the men fixed it, shirtless. On another date, she’s in a shower at the spa with one of the men. I guess those edited highlights sell more Pepsi and Hyundais then awkward first date conversation at the Olive Garden.
After the three group dates, Trista reduced her ranks of potential suitors to eight. She cried and lamented at the rose ceremony how difficult this was and how she was afraid she was hurting someone or making a wrong choice. Why she would think she didn’t have enough info to make a right choice is obvious. But why she would think that she could hurt anything but the guys’ egos eludes me. I mean, how much could they have invested emotionally at this point? And you can’t convince me that more than one of them hadn’t decided by now that they didn’t like her or want anything more from her but sex. To his credit, Brian H. decided that Trista wasn’t for him and removed himself from rose ceremony consideration.
Trista didn't have any individual dates with the men until the third episode, at the end of which she would have to narrow eight men down to four. And only three would get the honor of a true first date with her. You would think that since Trista is looking to marry the last man standing, that she would have personally selected the three men who warranted on-on-one dates. No, that would be reality. Instead, two of her friends arrive at the bachelor house and meet and interview the remaining eight men, and talk to Trista. Based on their findings, they decide which three she will meet individually.
I guess after paying to fly her friends in, ABC didn’t have money left over for more than three individual dates. And not just any dates, mind you. All day dates. One was a blimp ride, one was a water park and one was Sea World. That's right. Further dating reality. Someone else pays for the date, drives them around in a limo, and ensures the couple is totally alone at fancy restaurants, all the time with a camera in their faces and a soundtrack playing.
After three individual
dates and one group date at the beach with the other five remaining men, Trista
tearfully reduced her ranks to four bachelors, whose parents she would get to
meet on the next episode. What's wrong with this picture? Yes math wizards,
she's had only three one-on-one dates. So Greg got the honor of taking a girl
home to Mom that he'd never had a date with by himself. If he'd had a date with
her, he probably would have rejected her first, Brian H. did.
Trista freaked when she saw Greg's New York City apartment, which was large by New York standards (one person in an large efficiency apartment), but much too small for the high standards of a physical therapist and former Miami Heat dancer. Not shockingly, Greg was the one tearfully booted at the end of the meet-the-parents episode. Looks just weren’t enough for Greg. I guess size matters too.
When she was down to just three suitors, ABC arranged for fantasy weekend dates in Sedona, Cabo St. Lucas and Seattle. That's right, she got three fabulous vacations masked as dates. Each guy would get his own romantic weekend including a ‘fantasy suite’ for their use. The camera didn’t go inside the suite, so Trista could get laid one weekend and then the next, and the next, without her future husband or America ever knowing for sure. It’s my experience that it’s pretty standard fare to get a hotel room on a second date. Besides, the date had to top the previous ones, and after swimming with dolphins at SeaWorld, that takes a lot.
After that date, she cried and dropped her ranks to two men, both of whom she felt she was falling for and could be married to, Charlie, a 6'3" financial analyst from California, and Ryan, a 6'2" firefighter from Colorado. Both have blue eyes and a full head of dark hair. Trista feels she has a connection with Charlie because they were both cheated on in past relationships. Now that’s a strong bond. As for Ryan, she’s a sucker for the poems he writes about her.
Now we are left in suspense as to whom Trista will choose, Charlie or Ryan.
But is there really any? Charlie is good-looking, a snappy dresser, rich and
lives in Southern California like Trista. Ryan is good-looking, wears Wrangler
jeans jackets and fights fires in Vail, Colorado, where he lives. Ryan is shy,
writes poems, and seems like a nice, down-to-earth guy. Not only will Trista
not choose him, she doesn't deserve him. Ryan will go the way of the other nice
guys on the show, 'fat Bob', who was a laugh-a-minute, and Jamie, who was shy
and endearing in his openness about his panic disorder. 
The moral of the story is that there’s nothing real about reality dating shows. The show is based on and perpetuates a flawed assumption, that looks are most important, and that with good looks necessarily comes compatability and everything else needed for a successful relationship.
It’s pretty well-documented that you need more than physical attraction to make a relationship, yet alone a marriage work. Personality, the one thing overlooked by the show, is crucial. No matter how ripped a man’s chest is, if he can’t hold a conversation, a relationship can’t progress.
The dating shows preclude some of the normal but necessary dating ritual. Group dates can’t replace quality one-on-one dates where you get a taste of the real person’s qualities and interests. All it gives is a persona formulated for TV and expectations of further glamour dates that can’t possibly be lived up to. Not surprisingly, the two previous incarnations of the show, ‘The Bachelor,’ put together pretty couples who lasted weeks, and my bet for Trista and her husband-to-be is similarly limited. You just don’t buy a shiny Corvette without looking under the hood.
Jenifer Miller
is a thirty-year-old attorney in Philadelphia, Pa. who doesn’t watch TV
and is the girlfriend of the creator of this
site even though he is not a 6’2” firefighter and underwear
model. She states that despite these huge obstacles, she is physically attracted
to him and drawn to him by the fact that he is intelligent and that as a couple
they have mutual interests, good conversation and a shared disdain for television.
